Marital status Being married is better understood than living together. Many Indonesians marry at a young age; in the eyes of those around them this is normal and above all logical. Living together hardly happens, even in modern Jakarta. You make things easier for yourself by saying you are married. If you are single and want to avoid awkward questions, wear a plain ring and say that you are married in the Netherlands but that your husband could not come along. People will find this strange, but they will respect your married status.
House rules If you are invited into a home, always take off your shoes before you enter. Do not refuse an offered cup of teh or kopi (tea or coffee), and take a few sips. If you do not want more than one, make sure you do not empty your glass. You will usually be offered food as well. Eat it, or try to decline as politely as possible. For example, say that you are very sorry to have to decline the food, but that you have just eaten and that meal was quite enough (in Indonesian you say: masih kenyang – pronounced ‘massi kenjang’). Also, do not point at anything with your foot; this is considered rude. Yawning without covering your mouth is also seen as impolite. Finally on this subject: your left hand is your unclean hand. When you hand or pass something to someone, always try to do so with your right hand.
Personality Avoiding loss of face is an important part of the Indonesian personality, and Indonesians will do everything they can to prevent it. People do not like to say ‘no’. If you have criticism, try to wrap it in a joke. The direct Western way of communicating can backfire: the Indonesian feels attacked (feels he or she is losing face) and will fall silent. You will achieve more by staying patient and asking the same question or making the same remark in a different way. If you ask something he or she does not know the answer to, he or she will still always come up with an answer (however vague). With the more difficult topics about the country, too, be aware that a negative answer, or an answer that is bad for the country’s image, is rarely given directly.